Day 9: Change can suck sometimes.

This writing thing is hard. I don't think I realized how hard it was coming up with something new every day until I started trying it. I'm glad I've got my schemas going on and can discuss those, but it's hard to keep writing when I really don't want to. Just a quick note here, I thought I could write about my 5th schema tonight, but it's just not happening. When I started I was in a great mood, and was motivated, and had energy, and life was amazing. And then I cycled.

I feel like crap, and I just want to curl up into a ball and not deal with anything. I've fallen into this deep pit of despair and see no way out, so I'm just struggling to stay afloat. This is the hell people with bipolar live with. I go to bed and have no clue what emotion I'll be dealing with when I wake up the next morning. I've been crushingly depressed the last 2 days, and for absolutely no good reason. I was happy as a clam for a good few weeks, there was no reason for things to change, but they did. All I can do is wait as patiently as possible for this dark cloud to lift and the sun to come out again. I get so sick of waiting patiently though. I get so sick of the sun going down so often and for no reason. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't see me living a long and fruitful life going up and down like this. I can't hack it. The people around me can't hack it. I mean, don't freak out, I'm not suicidal now, but that option sure looks more and more appealing the deeper I fall into this black hole. And its not even because I see no way out. I know this too shall pass, and I'll feel on top of the world again, but I don't know when. And even though I'll cycle back, I know I'll then start playing the waiting game again for the next time I crash. And I don't want to live like that. It's a bullshit way to live your life. It's a horrible life to let others into because it becomes their hell too.

I mean, in fact, life is going rather well. My husband got offered his new job, and he starts in 2 weeks, we bought a new car yesterday that is ten times nicer than any one we've ever owned before. We're paying an arm and a leg for it, but with Josh's new job, we can afford it. I want to refinance ASAP though, just so we're not continuing to pay an arm and a leg. I try to live as non-extravagantly as possible for some reason. We've been through two unemployment eras since this depression hit, and I like to keep our debt to income ratio as low as possible. You know, just in case. I think this preparing for the 'just in cases' in the worlds are wearing me out. It is physically and mentally exhausting trying to worry about every scenario that could go wrong, and yet I keep doing it. Josh is sitting over here happy as a lark about his new job, and our car, and the change that is happening all around us, and I'm lying in bed crying about nothing.

I think what is really eating at me is the change that's happening all around me. Even though it's good change, beepers don't do so well with change. I mean, our insurance is changing at the end of the month and we'll have copays again, and our prescription costs will be higher, and yeah. We met our out of pocket back in March, so we've been enjoying free healthcare since then. Starting in August we'll be paying for services again. I'm trying to think of what all I need to have done in the next 2 weeks before we roll over into a new insurance plan, lol.

And then there's the housing issue. I found a house. A glorious house. A gloriously perfect house. And it made me realize that we're not going to live here forever, and that's another change I'm not prepared to deal with. We didn't get the gloriously perfect house, someone else jumped on that offer before we could, but that's okay. God works on his own time, and when it's time for our gloriously perfect house to appear, it will. But I'm already overwhelmed and depressed about the thought of packing everything up, and going through the work  of moving into a new place, even though it's at least a year away before it happens. I am not being very mindful right now. Right now, mindfulness sucks, and is hard, and I don't even want to deal with trying to do it.

So that's been life the last few days. My mum is super worried about me, and Josh is super worried about me, and I just don't care. Right now I'm teetering on the edge of destruction, so it's a good thing I see my psych doctor tomorrow so I can talk to him and see what he recommends. We'll see if he thinks I'm dangerous enough to be admitted. I mean, idt I am, just because I'm not actively suicidal, but he's a new doctor, so I don't trust him too much just quite yet. And besides, I made a goal of 31 blogs in 31 days, and well, they don't allow electronics on the psych ward, I wouldn't be able to keep up if I missed a week of blogging. I'm giggling at the thought of trying to get my inpatient therapist to approve letting me have an hour a day to blog for 'therapeutic' reasons. I make myself laugh. I love it. Josh thinks it's cute how much I manage to amuse myself. I'm like a puppy chasing it's tail and being perfectly happy.

Speaking of puppies, I have to share with you the cutest story. My son is 3, and one of his favorite things to do when he's not being Batman is to be our puppy. He'll crawl around and bark, and come over and nuzzle our knee to get petted. If only he'd show some interest in potty training, he'd be the perfect pet. Well, our 18 month old has a speech delay due to mild hearing loss, so she doesn't talk or anything yet. She makes a lot of sounds, which is good, it means her hearing is probably either improving, or just staying mildly impaired. So, I guess needless to say, when she does something with sound or anything interacting with us, we get wildly excited. I tell you about my son's game of playing puppy so you'll understand this story with my daughter. She's been walking since the end of March, and doesn't generally crawl anywhere anymore. But for some reason the other day she started crawling around on the floor going 'ruff, ruff, ruff'! Believe me, it doesn't sound like that, but whenever we say it, she gets down and starts making the same sound. It is so freaking adorable. If I had it captured on video, I'd be linking it for your viewing pleasure.

I'm glad I made the decision to write tonight. I'm actually feeling a whole lot better now than I was when I first started. There's still so much more I could write about, like my disgusting house and how depressed I am about it, and how hard I am on myself for not being able to keep it clean, but that's related to my unrelenting standards schema, so I'll save it for when I finally write about that. I keep making the goal to get one room a day clean, and my poor mum, she was worried enough about me today, she came over and helped me achieve my goal of getting the kitchen done. Me, my oldest, and my mum all worked on it, and it's nice and sparkly now. With any luck, I'll have the urge to finish up my living room tomorrow, and then I'll have two nice and sparkly clean rooms. That will thrill me to no end.

What brings you up when you're down? How do you respond to change? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Day 12: What about those other schemas?

So I think I've given up writing about schemas for the time being. MY schemas anyway. I have two more I haven't talked about, and I don't think I'm ready to approach them just yet. I'll get there, but not tonight.

Tonight I'm going to talk about all the schemas I don't have, just for those of you who may relate to them.

These schemas include:

• Emotional Deprivation
• Abandonment/Instability
• Dependence/Incompetence
• Vulnerability to Harm and Illness
• Enmeshment/Undeveloped-Self
• Failure
• Subjugation
• Emotional Inhibition
• Approval-Seeking/Recognition-Seeking
• Entitlement/Grandiosity
• Negativity/Pessimism
• Punitiveness

So what do all these mean? 

Emotional Deprivation  is the belief that one's primary emotional needs will never be met by others. These needs can be described in three categories: Nurture-or needs for affection, closeness, and love; Empathy-needs to be listened to and understood; Protection-needs for advice, guidance and direction. Generally parents are cold or removed and don't adequately care for the child in ways that would adequately meet the above needs.

Abandonment/Instability  refers to the expectation that one will soon lose anyone with whom an emotional attachment is formed. The person believes that, one way or another, close relationships will imminently end. As children, these people may have experienced the divorce or death of parents. This schema can also arise when parents have been inconsistent in attending to the child's needs; for instance, there may have been frequent occasions on which the child was left alone of unattended to for extended periods.

Dependence/Incompetence refers to the belief that one is not capable of handling day-to-day responsibilities competently and independently. People with this schema often rely on others excessively for help in areas such as decision making and initiating new tasks. Generally, parents did not encourage these children to act independently and develop confidence in their ability to take care of themselves.

Vulnerability to Harm and Illness is the belief that one is always on the verge of experiencing a major catastrophe (financial, natural, medical,criminal, etc.). It may lead to taking excessive precautions to protect oneself. Usually there was an extremely fearful parent who passed on the idea that the world is a dangerous place.

Enmeshment/Undeveloped-Self is a pattern in which you experience too much emotional involvement with others-usually parents or romantic partners. It may also include the sense that one has too little individual identity or inner direction, causing a feeling of emptiness or of floundering. This schema is often brought on by parents who are so controlling, abusive, or overprotective that the child is discouraged from developing a separate sense of self.

Failure is the belief that one is incapable of performing as well as one's peers in areas such as career, school, or sports. These people may feel stupid, inept, or untalented. People with this schema often do not try to achieve because they believe that they will fail. This schema may develop if children are put down and treated as if they are a failure in school and other spheres of accomplishment. Usually the parents did not give enough support, discipline, and encouragement for the child to persist and succeed in areas of achievement, such as schoolwork or sports.

Subjugation refers to the belief that one must submit to the control of others in order to avoid negative consequences. Often these people fear that unless they submit, others will get angry or reject them. People who subjugate ignore their own desires and feelings. In childhood there generally was a very controlling parent.

Emotional Inhibition is the belief that you must suppress spontaneous emotions and impulses, especially anger, because any expression of feelings would harm others or lead to loss of self-esteem, embarrassment, retaliation or abandonment. You may lack spontaneity, or be viewed as uptight, This schema is often brought on by parents who discouraged the expression of feelings.

Approval-Seeking/Recognition-Seeking is the placing of too much emphasis on gaining the approval and recognition of others at the expense of one's genuine needs and sense of self. It can also include excessive emphasis on status and appearance as a means of gaining recognition and approval. People with this schema are generally extremely sensitive to rejections by others and try hard to fit in. Usually they did not have their needs for unconditional love and acceptance met by their parents during their early years.

Entitlement/Grandiosity is the belief that you should be able to do, say, or have whatever you want immediately regardless of whether that hurts others or seems reasonable to them. You are not interested in what other people need, nor are you aware of the long term cost to you of alienating others. Parents who over-indulge their children and who do not set limits about what is socially appropriate may foster the development of this schema. Alternatively, some children develop this schema to compensate for feelings of emotional deprivation or defectiveness.

Negativity/Pessimism is a pervasive pattern of focusing on the negative aspects of life while minimizing the positive aspects. People with this schema are unable to enjoy things that are going well in their lives because they are so concerned with negative details or potential future problems. They worry about possible failures no matter how well things are going for them. Usually these people had a parent who worried excessively.

Punitiveness is the belief that people deserve to be harshly punished for making mistakes. People with this schema are critical and unforgiving of both themselves and others. They tend to be angry about imperfect behaviors much of the time. In childhood, these people usually had at least one parent who put too much emphasis on performance and had a punitive style of controlling behavior.

What is interesting to me is that as I was typing this out tonight, I realized that I have some of the traits of quite a few of these schemas as well. Emotional Inhibition is a big one I related to because I suppress my emotions so much because I'm afraid of the consequences of showing them. Hell, the last time I got really desperate and felt hopeless, it led to such intense feelings of anger that I ended up with 2 felony charges and 4 misdemeanor charges. They were all dismissed, thank God, but that was only because my attorney managed to get me a plea in abeyance. Can you blame me for being a little scared of letting my feelings out after that?

 Negativity/Pessimism is another one that I strongly related to. I struggle with seeing the bright side of things, even when there is no downside! I mean, take Josh getting this new job for example. There are so many positives that are coming along with this, yet I'm still petrified and worrying about all the completely hypothetical 'what-ifs'. I think this is also closely tied to the Vulnerability to Harm and Illness schema, because I constantly worry that we are on the verge of financial ruin, or that a natural disaster could strike us at any given moment.

The Enmeshment/Undeveloped Self schema was another one that I saw myself in. I've lost so much of who I used to be, it's like I'm an extension of Josh, which I don't want. Yes, I'm his better half, but even better halves need to be able to identify who they truly are. I've started doing that, if you recall one of my previous posts, I discuss who I am, and what I am, deep down inside. 

I also related to some the Dependence/Incompetence traits because when I'm cycling into a downward spiral, I truly can not handle the day-today responsibilities of normal life and do need help with many activities that are typically handled individually. 

And then there's Failure. Oh, Failure. I'm surprised this isn't actually one of my schemas to begin with. I feel so stupid and untalented all the time. I compare myself endlessly to others, even though I shouldn't. I'm petrified of failure, so much so that I avoid even trying. I'm working on overcoming this trait, slowly but surely. And I think I'm making progress too.

I also related to the Abandonment/Instability schema as well as the Emotional Deprivation schema. I am terrified of losing anyone I've formed an emotional attachment to, to the point that if I've befriended you, I will probably soon try and push you away because I know the relationship is going to end anyway, and I don't want to be hurt by you ending it first. This ties in to the Emotional Deprivation because I truly think that no one can ever meet my primary emotional needs. At least, I did feel this way at one point, but thanks to the unwavering support I've received from my husband, this thought process has changed.

I wonder if I were to retake the schema test, if I would have any of these schemas now, especially since I've spent so much time working through the schemas I actually do have, trying to resolve them. So what about you? Which of these schemas do you think fit you to a T? What do you think you could do to start changing these life traps that you're stuck in? Tell me in the comments below, I'd love to hear!

Day 9: Just a little change brings a whole lotta consequences

This writing thing is hard. I don't think I realized how hard it was coming up with something new every day until I started trying it. I'm glad I've got my schemas going on and can discuss those, but it's hard to keep writing when I really don't want to. Just a quick note here, I thought I could write about my 5th schema tonight, but it's just not happening. When I started I was in a great mood, and was motivated, and had energy, and life was amazing. And then I cycled.

I feel like crap, and I just want to curl up into a ball and not deal with anything. I've fallen into this deep pit of despair and see no way out, so I'm just struggling to stay afloat. This is the hell people with bipolar live with. I go to bed and have no clue what emotion I'll be dealing with when I wake up the next morning. I've been crushingly depressed the last 2 days, and for absolutely no good reason. I was happy as a clam for a good few weeks, there was no reason for things to change, but they did. All I can do is wait as patiently as possible for this dark cloud to lift and the sun to come out again. I get so sick of waiting patiently though. I get so sick of the sun going down so often and for no reason. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't see me living a long and fruitful life going up and down like this. I can't hack it. The people around me can't hack it. I mean, don't freak out, I'm not suicidal now, but that option sure looks more and more appealing the deeper I fall into this black hole. And its not even because I see no way out. I know this too shall pass, and I'll feel on top of the world again, but I don't know when. And even though I'll cycle back, I know I'll then start playing the waiting game again for the next time I crash. And I don't want to live like that. It's a bullshit way to live your life. It's a horrible life to let others into because it becomes their hell too.

I mean, in fact, life is going rather well. My husband got offered his new job, and he starts in 2 weeks, we bought a new car yesterday that is ten times nicer than any one we've ever owned before. We're paying an arm and a leg for it, but with Josh's new job, we can afford it. I want to refinance ASAP though, just so we're not continuing to pay an arm and a leg. I try to live as non-extravagantly as possible for some reason. We've been through two unemployment eras since this depression hit, and I like to keep our debt to income ratio as low as possible. You know, just in case. I think this preparing for the 'just in cases' in the worlds are wearing me out. It is physically and mentally exhausting trying to worry about every scenario that could go wrong, and yet I keep doing it. Josh is sitting over here happy as a lark about his new job, and our car, and the change that is happening all around us, and I'm lying in bed crying about nothing.

I think what is really eating at me is the change that's happening all around me. Even though it's good change, beepers don't do so well with change. I mean, our insurance is changing at the end of the month and we'll have copays again, and our prescription costs will be higher, and yeah. We met our out of pocket back in March, so we've been enjoying free healthcare since then. Starting in August we'll be paying for services again. I'm trying to think of what all I need to have done in the next 2 weeks before we roll over into a new insurance plan, lol.

And then there's the housing issue. I found a house. A glorious house. A gloriously perfect house. And it made me realize that we're not going to live here forever, and that's another change I'm not prepared to deal with. We didn't get the gloriously perfect house, someone else jumped on that offer before we could, but that's okay. God works on his own time, and when it's time for our gloriously perfect house to appear, it will. But I'm already overwhelmed and depressed about the thought of packing everything up, and going through the work  of moving into a new place, even though it's at least a year away before it happens. I am not being very mindful right now. Right now, mindfulness sucks, and is hard, and I don't even want to deal with trying to do it.

So that's been life the last few days. My mum is super worried about me, and Josh is super worried about me, and I just don't care. Right now I'm teetering on the edge of destruction, so it's a good thing I see my psych doctor tomorrow so I can talk to him and see what he recommends. We'll see if he thinks I'm dangerous enough to be admitted. I mean, idt I am, just because I'm not actively suicidal, but he's a new doctor, so I don't trust him too much just quite yet. And besides, I made a goal of 31 blogs in 31 days, and well, they don't allow electronics on the psych ward, I wouldn't be able to keep up if I missed a week of blogging. I'm giggling at the thought of trying to get my inpatient therapist to approve letting me have an hour a day to blog for 'therapeutic' reasons. I make myself laugh. I love it. Josh thinks it's cute how much I manage to amuse myself. I'm like a puppy chasing it's tail and being perfectly happy.

Speaking of puppies, I have to share with you the cutest story. My son is 3, and one of his favorite things to do when he's not being Batman is to be our puppy. He'll crawl around and bark, and come over and nuzzle our knee to get petted. If only he'd show some interest in potty training, he'd be the perfect pet. Well, our 18 month old has a speech delay due to mild hearing loss, so she doesn't talk or anything yet. She makes a lot of sounds, which is good, it means her hearing is probably either improving, or just staying mildly impaired. So, I guess needless to say, when she does something with sound or anything interacting with us, we get wildly excited. I tell you about my son's game of playing puppy so you'll understand this story with my daughter. She's been walking since the end of March, and doesn't generally crawl anywhere anymore. But for some reason the other day she started crawling around on the floor going 'ruff, ruff, ruff'! Believe me, it doesn't sound like that, but whenever we say it, she gets down and starts making the same sound. It is so freaking adorable. If I had it captured on video, I'd be linking it for your viewing pleasure.

I'm glad I made the decision to write tonight. I'm actually feeling a whole lot better now than I was when I first started. There's still so much more I could write about, like my disgusting house and how depressed I am about it, and how hard I am on myself for not being able to keep it clean, but that's related to my unrelenting standards schema, so I'll save it for when I finally write about that. I keep making the goal to get one room a day clean, and my poor mum, she was worried enough about me today, she came over and helped me achieve my goal of getting the kitchen done. Me, my oldest, and my mum all worked on it, and it's nice and sparkly now. With any luck, I'll have the urge to finish up my living room tomorrow, and then I'll have two nice and sparkly clean rooms. That will thrill me to no end.

What brings you up when you're down? How do you respond to change? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Day 8: Why are you putting yourself in last place?

Who can guess what a person with this schema does? If you said 'played the martyr!' you'd have it right. People with this schema sacrifice their own needs to the point of excess in order to help others. When these people pay attention to their own needs, they often feel guilty. To avoid this guilt, they put others' needs ahead of their own. Often people who self sacrifice gain a feeling of increased self-esteem or a sense of meaning from helping others. In childhood the person may have been made to feel overly responsible for the well being of one or both parents.

This schema definitely hits a chord with me, I distinctly remember there being times when I was growing up that my dad expected me to care for him. He had open heart surgery when I was 13 and left me in charge. On my own and no instructions for the nurse to help me manage his care. I had my brother there of course, but he was 11, and he couldn't  seeing Daddy so sick. I always had to worry about him and his needs, in addition to the needs of the house. I couldn't do it, I wasn't perfect enough. I fled to my mum's house shortly after I turned 14, to a situation that wasn't much better. 

Instead of having a daddy to take care of, I suddenly had 3 new step siblings and a step dad, and I became mum's confidante. Looking back, both of them forced me to grow up, I wonder which would have done me the greater good ultimately? At least if I'd stayed in NC I'd have learned how to cook and clean, skills which I definitely need now, but what kind of childhood is that? Growing up here I was the red-headed step child, but it meant some kind of 'typical' childhood. 

I made my bed, I stayed here and I had to lie in it.

 I got pregnant at 17 and received enormous pressure to give her up for adoption, but I was keeping my child, come hell or high water. Here is where the mistakes of the fathers become the mistakes of the children and it's painful to watch, I screwed my kid up. In so many ways. Ways my mother did that I swore I would never repeat. This precious bundle of joy was my life, my soul, my very reason for being. I couldn't do enough for her because I felt no one had ever done enough for me, she would never suffer that same disappointment, But I had no real world experience for 'what is best for a child'. I consistently put her needs ahead of my own to the point where I ultimately had a breakdown and spent 6 weeks in the hospital. Having always been a single mum, and it just the two of us she had no routine, she had no bed time, and as she got older it became more and more manipulative my child was becoming, Thank goodness I met my husband and we had kids too because we were able to reverse a lot of the damage I'd done to Adia by the time she was 10, 

Now that I'm the mother, I still struggle in this schema bt making sure my children's needs are met long before I'll even contemplate meeting my own. I mean right now for example, I have a coupon for free glitter toes that I would love to redeem, and I'd love to get my hair done, but I'm not about the waste the money or time on making me look nice. My kids clothes come from Wal-Mart and the Mall, Mine come from Goodwill. It's lead to fights before because my husband isn't putting these restraints on my spending, I am. I'm too afraid to spend because what if someone else needs it more than I do and its gone?

This isn't really a schema I'm ready to fully deal with right now. I think I'll always have some self-sacrificing traits in me until the day I die. I think every mother does. But I'll leave you with this question, "If the airplane is going down, who's mask do you put on first; theirs or yours? Yours of course because you are of no good to them if you pass out and can't get your children's masks on. So try and keep your mask on.  If your mask is on, and you're breathing, everything else will naturally fall into place.  

Did I learn anything about myself completing this assignment? I think I did. I learned that I've got to keep my cup full before I can truly be there for someone else, even my children. Did you learn anything new today about yourself upon introspection?

Let me know in the comments below!

Day 2: What the hell is a schema?

What is a schema? Have you ever even heard of them?

A schema, or life trap, is an unconditional assumption about ourselves and others that develop in childhood and become self perpetuating over time and remain throughout our life. It affects our thoughts, feelings and behaviours and how we interact with others and the world. When these are triggered by an event, a situation, a memory, a person, a thought etc. we respond in ineffective and unhealthy ways. Schemas have a significant influence on how our identities are formed and are more resistant to change than even our 'core beliefs' are.

When I was inpatient, I had to take a test to determine what my top 3 schemas were. I had 6 that were very close in number, so I use my top 6. My top six schemas are

• Mistrust/Abuse
• Defectiveness/Shame
• Social Isolation/Alienation
• Self-Sacrifice
• Unrelenting Standards/Hypercriticalness
• Insufficient Self-Control.Self-Discipline 

So what do these all mean, now that I've just thrown a bunch of random words at you?

Let's start with Mistrust/Abuse. This schema refers to the expectation that others will intentionally take advantage in some way. People with this schema expect others to hurt, cheat or put them down. They often think in terms of attacking first or getting revenge afterwards, In childhood, these people were often abused or treated unfairly by parents, siblings, or peers.

Defectiveness/shame refers to the belief that one is inherently flawed and that if others get close, they will realize this and withdraw from the relationship, This feeling of being flawed and inadequate often leads to a strong sense of shame. Generally parents were very critical of their children and made them feel as if they were not worthy of being loved.

Social Isolation/Alienation refers to the belief that one is isolated from the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any community. This belief is usually caused by early experiences in which children see that either they, or their families, are different from other people.

People with the Self-Sacrifice schema sacrifice their ow needs to the point of excess in order to help others. When these people pay attention to their own needs, they often feel guilty. To avoid this guilt, they put others' needs ahead of their own. Often people who self sacrifice gain a feeling of increased self-esteem or a sense of meaning from helping others. In childhood the person may have been made to feel overly responsible for the well being of one or both parents.

Unrelenting Standards/Hypercriticalness refers to the belief that whatever you do is not good enough, that you must always strive harder. The motivation for this belief is the desire to meet extremely high internal demands for competence, usually to avoid internal criticism. People with this schema show impairments in important life areas, such as health, pleasure or self esteem. Usually these people's parent were never satisfied and gave their children love that was conditional on outstanding achievement.

The Insufficient Self Control/Self-Discipline refers to the inability to tolerate any frustration in reaching one's goals, as well as an inability to restrain expression of one's impulses or feelings. When lack of self-control is extreme, criminal or addictive behavior may rule your life. Parents who did not model self control, or who did not adequately discipline their children, may predispose them to have this schema as adults.

There are several other schemas, including:

• Negativity/Pessimism, 
• Punitiveness, 
• Entitlement/Grandiosity, 
• Approval Seeking/Recognition-Seeking, 
• Emotional Inhibition, 
• Subjugation, 
• Failure, 
• Enmeshment/ Undeveloped Self, 
• Vulnerability to Harm and Illness, 
• Dependence/Incompetence, 
• Abandonment/Instability, and 
• Emotional Deprivation.

So now what? I've told you what my deepest, most secret issues are, and even explained them a bit. Now we're going to delve in them more as this week goes on. I plan on taking each one of the six, and going into deeper detail  for every day this week. This has been a therapy assignment that my therapist has been ragging on me to do, so I'm killing two birds with one stone here. If there is interest, as my final piece in schemas, I'll do a post about those other schemas that don't affect me.

I hope I've not bored you too much through this post, but I'm excited to delve deeper into the various sschemas I have here, and I hope you'll join me as I do a little self therapy :)

Based on these definitions I've provided, and the titles of the other schemas, do you have any guess on what yours may be? Let me know in the comments below!